Just Another Day At The Hospital.

I went to see the doctor a few days ago for a postnatal follow-up, at the same hospital my baby daughter was born. My appointment was scheduled at 8.45am. As my hubby was away in Abu Dhabi, I had to drive myself to the hospital so I left my house quite early as I didn’t want to be late for my appointment. I was there by at 8.15am.

Come 9.00am, the doctor was nowhere to be seen so the nurse sent me to see a post-natal counselor. According to the nurse, it’s part of the hospital requirements for all postnatal patients to be referred to the counselor to see how the patients were doing emotionally after having delivered a baby.

Kudos to the hospital for really taking into consideration their patients well being by introducing the postnatal counseling. However, having said that, it came as a shock to me, when I went in to to see the counselor, the first thing she asked me was how my baby was doing.  Here I was, having just underwent the most traumatic and heartbreaking experience of losing my daughter, and the counselor didn’t have the courtesy of checking my file before seeing me.

I had to explain to her that my baby had passed away and upon hearing that, she looked as though she was on the verge of tears and kept apologizing to me throughout the whole session, saying how sorry she was for not knowing about my baby. Me, the one who needs counseling ended up counseling her, telling her I’m doing okay, recovering well and she should not feel bad about not knowing what happened. (Though in my head I was screaming. You stupid b***h, have the decency to read a patient’s file before seeing the patient. Pardon my French!)

After I finished the so-called post-natal counseling, I went back to the waiting room to wait for my doctor who was still nowhere to be seen. Finally, after waiting for like ages, she finally appeared looking very stylish in her suit and her  epi leather Louis Vuiton handbag (being a self proclaimed handbag addict, I sure do know my handbags. Well, that's another story to blog about later) and I was called in to see her.

Going through my file, the first thing she said to me was that I should be thankful my baby did not make it because if she did make it through, she will not be able to lead a normal life as she was an "Edward's Syndrome" baby. I know being a doctor, she’s being practical and logical about the whole episode with my baby but couldn’t she at least sugar-coated her words? Which mother in the world wants to feel thankful that her child is no longer with her regardless of the circumstances?

To the outside world, I may look strong, cheerful and happy but only God knows the aching pain, the emptiness I feel inside every time I look at my baby’s photos, the only keepsake I have to remember of her 2 days 10 hours existence in this world.

I am thankful for being blessed with a wonderful life filled with family and friends who has always been there for me. But I will never be thankful that my baby girl is no longer with me. No matter what the doctor says.