Farewell My Princess

"In The Name of Allah, 
Most Gracious, Most Merciful"

My first entry as a blogger is dedicated to 
my little princess Sara,

though no longer with us, 

will be loved and cherished forever.

November 4^th, 2009. It’s been exactly one month since I gave birth to my precious little princess, Sara, who only managed to grace us with her presence in this world for exactly 2 days and 10 hours.

When my husband and I discovered that I was pregnant, we were over the moon as we have been trying for another child, a little brother or sister for our 7 years old son, Shafiq. Later, when the ultrasound revealed that we will be welcoming a daughter in October, my husband and I could not be happier. It felt as though our little family is now complete. Shafiq was estatic that he will be getting a little sister and is always kissing Mummy’s tummy and asking Mummy when is his baby sister arriving. Little did we know what awaits us.

Sara was born on October 4^th, 2009 via an emergency C-section and was immediately rushed to NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) as her vital organs were struggling to function. The doctors suspected that she was suffering from some chromosome disorder and when the test results came back, it was confirmed that Sara has Trisomy 18 (also known as Edward’s Syndrome). The syndrome occurs in approximately one out of every 3,000 to 5,000 births and the doctors explained that babies with Trisomy 18 has a very low survival rate and in Sara’s case, there’s nothing that they can do as her vitals organs are not functioning.

At 3.30 am on October 7^th, 2009, my husband woke me up as he received a call from the NICU. He wheeled me there (as I had to move about in a wheelchair because of the C-Section) and when we arrived there, our little princess is no longer with us. After the nurses removed all the tubes and wires attached to Sara, I finally got to hold her in my arms and cuddled her though she was no longer with us. After my husband called up our family members to tell them the sad news and made the necessary arrangements for Sara’s funeral. we spent the next hour holding her, touching her, talking to her, saying our goodbyes. No words can describe the pain and heartache, the numbness, the loss that we felt and still feel to this very day.

My little Sara is indeed very strong and a fighter because Edward’s Syndrome babies usually will not survive the prenatal period and some are stillborn. Our little princess fought against all that so that Mummy, Daddy and Abang Shafiq got a chance to meet her and be with her even though for the briefest period of time.

Never a day goes by that I do not think of my precious little Sara.

-My Precious Sara-

You were so wanted, so wished for, so anticipated 
and so loved 
by Mummy, Daddy and Abang Shafiq.

In my heart, I feel as your Mummy I should have done more,

something, anything to keep you safe from harm.

I am so sorry if there was anything

I did or didn’t do that would have made a difference.

Please forgive me my precious.

I wanted so much to be your Mummy.

Holding you in my arms, kissing you goodbye

was the hardest thing I have ever done.

You will be in my heart till the end of time

You are and will always be my little princess.