Me and Mom.

I think all of us take our parents for granted, especially our mothers, at some point in our lives. The same goes for me. I always think that she’s just a phone call away, that I could just pick up the phone and call her whenever I need her input/take/help on something. I know it’s bad of me but as I get caught up with my own life, I don’t really give her that much attention that she so deserves. Especially since my Dad passed away nearly 3 years ago, I know she gets lonely but since both my sister and brother are staying with her, I always thought that she’s well taken care of.

Last weekend, when we were about to break our fast with the family, I told my Mom how much I missed her cooking. Then my Mom suddenly said, “Learn whatever cooking or recipes you want from me while I’m still around”.  Just like that, with one sentence uttered by my Mom and yours truly here was experiencing a mixture of feelings; sadness, anger and guilt. Sad because I have to face the fact that I will eventually lose her when her time or my time is up. Anger because I hate it whenever my Mom talks about her no longer being around. Guilt because I know that I’ve not been around that much for her, especially since I am no longer living in the same country with her.

My Mom and I don’t really see eye to eye on a lot of things especially since I got married and had a family of my own. I just want her to know that I am so sorry for taking her for granted at times and for not always being able to be there for her. I’m also so sorry for the stupid silly arguments that we sometimes have. I am also sorry for sometimes being a bit jealous of the extra love and affection she showers upon my younger brother. (My sister and I always knew that our Mom loves our youngest brother a little extra. I guess we can’t blame her though as we both have always been Daddy’s girls).

To my beloved Mom;

Please know that I love you so much. My actions may say otherwise but I truly, truly "heart" you.