Depression Mode - On!

Hmmmmm. Depression mode is in full gear today for yours truly. Either pms is on its way or I’m just finding excuses to be in depression.

August is finally here, and the doctor has said that it’s okay for us to seriously start trying for another baby. It’s been about 10 months since that fateful day last October and the family has been coping well though the road to recovery has not been easy.

I’m going to turn 36 in December and in 4 years time, will be hitting the big 4-0. I don’t know whether I’ll able to be pregnant again or should I even consider trying to have another baby again in my late thirties. (especially with women’s chances of conceiving falling dramatically after 35)I gave birth to Shafiq when I was 28. I got pregnant with him 2 months after getting married. How easy it was  back then. If only it is as easy now for me to get pregnant as it was when I was in my twenties.

My greatest regret in life was not having as many kids as I could when I was much younger. I guess I was just following the pattern of women of our generation who are told to go to school, get qualifications and then reach a point on the career ladder before deciding to settle down and have children. Well look at where it’s gotten me now. I have been blessed with a healthy handsome 7 years old son and a daughter with a 2 days 10 hours existence in this sometimes unfair and cruel world.

My advice to those who just got married or who are planning to tie the knot soon, not to wait to have kids. Just go ahead and have as many babies as you can while you are still young. (as the quality of your eggs will suffer as you get older.)

I guess it is possible to have babies in your forties . After all, just look at all those Hollywood stars; Nicole Kidman, Salma Hayek, Halle Berry, etc. Well, yours truly ain’t no movie star nor does she have the bank balance of those famous stars to enable her to go for all those expensive fertility treatments.

I read this very interesting article about “Women lose 90 percent of eggs by 30” posted on Telegraph. co.uk. Please click on this link for the full write up of the said article.

Having read that article, I don’t know whether I should consider trying for another baby.  I don’t want to go through the heartache of losing another child. I don’t want to go through life hoping to get pregnant again but to be disappointed when “Aunty Flow” shows herself every month thus dashing my hopes of getting pregnant. I don’t want to waste my life (and Hubby’s bank balance) visiting fertility experts hoping that I could be pregnant again only to find out that it’s never gonna happen again for me. I don’t want to keep my son’s hope of having another sibling alive only for him to be disappointed again if his Mommy never gets pregnant. (or if she does get pregnant but only to lose the baby again.)

Am I ready to go down that road again? I really don't know........